‘We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all of our exploring, will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time’.
- TS Eliot
So having spent quite a long time (circa 25 years) and becoming a bit demoralised by restlessly searching for answers for how to help (me and others) be more perfect and never quite nailing it… (see Part 1 What makes us all tick — the search)
The insight
I came across this life-changing understanding that made so much sense and it truly felt like coming home.
Our experience of life is created 100% from the inside-out.
I now have some understanding of the principles behind our human experience and see for myself the following:
All of our experiences both good and bad are 100% created from inside of us, in fact our mind can only work one way — it projects reality rather than records it.
There is a built-in design for success our minds can naturally tap into
The more we realise and understand for ourselves how our experience happens, the more we thrive personally and professionally,
And knowing that this is true for us all — and it’s what makes us all tick — well, that has changed the whole game for me — especially in terms of quality of life. For more on the principles behind this insight and their implications check-out Part 2 What makes us all tick — the big insight
The impact
Having some fresh insights has been great, but what about the real and tangible impact of these insights on my day-to-day life today? Here’s my report to date:
No matter what my circumstances, I can rely on a deeper feeling of ok-ness — in fact this past year I’ve had some fairly major circumstances to test this out; dissolved business partnership, terminally ill sister, financial pressures, jetlag, in-laws having cancer, personal physical ailments, teenage children.
I still have good days and bad days but… that is human and that’s ok. In fact each experience whether high or low, is just that — an experience to be experienced. And the lows are more like V’s (quick up and down) versus reeeeaaaallly loooooooong U’s (with a long visit to the down bit of the U).
I am much less concerned with what others think and more truthful to what is right for me. Without really trying or ‘working on it’ I’ve kind of just seen how much of my life had been devoted to pleasing others so they will love/admire/respect/appreciate me. Now that I don’t concern myself with all of that (read — invest a LOT of time and energy) I am now free to connect inside and ask myself — what is ok for me? This even resulted in me telling my (fantastic and lovely) hairdresser — not what she wanted to hear. And I got my hair done how I like it. Hard as this might be to believe — for me this is a breakthrough.
I am more able to stop and smell the roses (quite literally) — I see nature more. I see beauty more. I stop for it and celebrate it. A sunset fills the heart, a cuddle warms the soul. The smell of jasmine fills me with joy, my friends’ smile’s lights up my day. Life feels like a gift. I remember a few years back I *knew* I should be happy, given how much I had — but I just wasn’t feeling the gratitude — now gratitude wells up in me every day — the sun on my face, the wind in my hair — hot water every day. But really, think about it. Hot water!
I have less blow-ups — especially with my kids and husband, they happen less often with less intensity and I return more quickly to centre. And believe me, my fuse can be short. Especially around logistics (just ask my PA). But nowadays I am more serene in general and with logistics — well they can still get my goat if I’m honest — but now I see it as a slightly annoying habit that I have — because I KNOW my experience is coming from me — and not the actual logistics.
Feeling more fulfilled professionally and personally — I give less time to the following thought: ‘I should be better than I am at……… (fill in the blank) and as those thoughts get a lot less airtime, so do I feel differently. Simple but effective. In fact I feel like I am living my real life. Not the one where I am looking in other people’s windows wishing it was mine. It’s all mine and it’s all good and yet I don’t ‘have’ any more than I did four years ago.
More ideas and creativity with more practical application and less dead ends — I have always had a constant stream of creative ideas — but I have started to see where they come from and that there is an endless reservoir of them. So I can relax around them and not feel in so much of a rush (in case that is the last good idea I ever have). And I am more able somehow to sort the wheat from the chaff and know which ideas to intuitively follow and when I do, I have……
More serendipitous connections — I like to call it magic — but whatever — weird things are happening — like the bank sending us a large cheque for a mistake they made and another bank offering us a loan out of the blue when we were totally skint. Like friends of friends turning out to be the people we have been specifically searching for to help us on a project. Like lots of other miracles that we can’t explain…
More ease, less pressure — I am a lot less busy and yet I seem to get more done. I seem to have more time for what I enjoy doing (and I enjoy doing more of what I have given my time to). Time seems to have slowed — or maybe I am fully there for it’s passing — whatever — it feels better.
Less effort, better outcomes, more energy — I think I was trying too hard before — you know — to be perfect. At everything. That takes a lot of effort and energy. No wonder I used to have the odd burnout. Now I just feel like I can take it more as it comes and when energy is needed it’s there — but the rest of the time — minimum effort equals maximum effect — I get more comments at the end of my workshops with people saying how much they’ve loved it and learned (and ironically how much effort they can see I put in) and honestly, it was like going on a barge trip for me — and it used to feel like I built the ocean liner and performed every cabaret act all at once.
Results. When I am on track with my intuitive wisdom, and what it is that I really want to be doing — I am getting amazing, effortless results — from offers of help, to money, to clients, to supporters and cheer leaders. The best way I can express is it is in this quote from WH Murray’s The Scottish Himalayan Expedition (1951):
‘Until one is committed (ie acting from wisdom), there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself (ie listen to one’s inner wisdom), then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision (clarity), raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way’.
And so I’m now ready to share these principles and help others feel the same unassailability in life — and feel better. Because when we think and feel better, we do better. We lead better. And leaders lead organisations and organisations can change the world.
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About Elizabeth — As a State of Mind Leadership Coach with over 20 years experience, Elizabeth Lovius helps business leaders discover the source of leadership wisdom and be real, more human and true to who they are.
Elizabeth supports business leaders to have headspace and have real relationships of unity, appreciation and accountability that lead to real business results.
Elizabeth’s clients include: Hewlett Packard, IBM, itsu, ITV, Charlie Bighams, CookFood, Pret a Manger, the English RFU and WPP group.